Men tries many things to know what they want. In the process, they hurt many and asked those who love them to leave. Then, once they left and gotten over it, most of the time, by then they realised that..... the one that they actually wanted..... was the one that had loved them previously.

What is beautiful in a person? Is it something that is extremely good to look at and gives you a feeling of pressure? Is it a quality that a person has that makes them very attractive to look at? Is it something in which you approve because you like what you feel of that person? .....or is it just like what we hoped for? An act which we did out of love sacrificing our pride for the good of others bringing hope even in desperate situations?

What I really want? Someone to hug me, kiss me, give me a message when I'm tired, support me during difficult times, shelter me, protect me. Though it may not seem like it, I am always alone and I always feel insecure. Being born as a man, I know that i need to be strong..... but I am scared..... and I made up all these excuses just so that I could have a girlfriend out of pity. I finally understand now that the one who is willing to sacrifice her pride for my happiness..... is my mother all along. I am too ignorant finding another girl who is beautiful or cute who doesnt have a sense in knowing that love actually meant sacrificing your own pride for another person. I am too foolish as I kept falling for their looks instead of their willingness to love me. In the end..... I brought this problem upon myself that I ended up staying single and an unhappy men who is not loved by anyone. As long as I have my mother..... as long as I have my family..... I will never live..... an UNLOVED life. For that I plan to devote most of my time to my family before any others in this world.

Can we..... as a man..... as someone who devote my life to serving one woman..... expect anything out of the woman we love? I understand perfectly that the duties of being a boyfriend is to honour the girl's feeling, to be there for her, to aid her..... as well as to guard her at all times. However, right now..... instead of being loved back..... I feel that I am being used. Maybe it's only human that we should repay each other's kindness in order to make us feel appriciated and loved. However..... if we repay too much, that would conflict in the increase of their expectation towards you. Yet, if we do nothing and just keep taking their service without paying anything in return..... it would result in that person's feeling that he/she is being used by you.

People expect a lot and that gives me the strength to go on. I feel that I have to be the 'hero' who dispels people's fear..... the 'hero' who saves the world. Is a hero just someone who is sacrificed for others who can't solve their own problems? By naming you their 'hero', does everyone else shrink their own duties and just stop trying? If 'hero' is just an euphemism for 'sacrifice', then no..... I'm not happy about it at all..... especially when the 'hero' is someone I cared for.

It's nice to have someone to talk to as they could somehow relate to how you feel and make you release your stress. However, as you share your problems with others, you tend to be dependant on others. I do understand that they won't always be there for me..... that they will always have their own things to settle, yet..... I feel relieved whenever I talk to them about my problems. However, it makes me weak as I tend to get less independant on solving my own burden. The danger of not being independant can somehow crush you one day when you face problem. There is no guarantee that others will help you when you're in trouble. The only guarantee of success that you have..... is to rely on none other then yourself.

Everyone needs acknowledgement from others in order to feel alive. Yet..... I am truly afraid that the closer they get to know me..... the more chances of them abandoning me. Although I know that it's somehow better to share your pain with others, it is somewhat risky as well to reveal them to those who would take advantage of it. The pain of having to lose someone important in your life..... for they that remained, the wounds grow deeper and deeper. The most important thing in life..... is to have the strength to throw away your past..... to face your future. You dont have to be scared that the same thing would happen again. Family and friends will always be there to act as your pillar, or at least..... I will be there. Though it's not much that I could do, at least I could relate to how you feel.

When people have problems, they tend to either seek to solve it themselves or turn to others to share it. However, for those who turn to others to solve it..... will tend to depend too much on others that they forgot what it means to be independant. For those who seek to solve it themselves might break down if they are not strong enough. I guess I finally realise what people want..... or at least what I want. I want a partner who is dependable, yet..... makes me a better men that could act as a reminder that I need to be strong for her.